Funny Poems and JOKES

[iamafan]

ok i have another one.it kinda old,but it's all i have for now.
what's black and whit and red all over?

[nutz4hpotter6]

I know I know A skunk with a sunburn ha ha

or

a news paper.

[iamafan]

yeah,i could of taken a penguin with a sunbun too!lol!
:]

[nutz4hpotter6]

I didn't even think of that. That joke is old and there are so many different answers for it. I still liked it though.

[lupinlover]

Yeah. The classics never get old. Here is another joke that I found from google:

An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. His wife told him to get her some iced tea, and knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down.
"I can remember iced tea," he protested.
"But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down."
He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar.
"I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down."
He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her.
"Now look what you've done!" she yelled at him, "You forgot my gravy!"

[whosrab]

LOL That's hilarious i gave you karma for that one =D.

Here's one, but its a bit rude.

There was a lady who had a small butt. She asked a gypsy, "Why is my butt so small?"
The gypsy replied, "You have done many wrong things. That is why your butt is CURSED!"
She was shocked and asked, "How do i rectify this!?"
The gypsy said, "Everytime someone apologizes to you, your butt will increase in size."

Later she went to Egypt. Somebody accidentally knocked her over. He quickly said sorry and went off. Her butt increased in size.

She continued until somebody accidentally dropped an egg on her shoe. She apologized once and went on her way. Her butt increased in size.

Then she went to the merchant where he was selling watermelons. She asked how much it cost and he said,"1000 US Dollars."
She was astounded and said, "NO THANK YOU! That is too much for 1 watermelon"
The merchant was perplexed and then quickly called her back. "A thousand apologies, it is 1US Dollar."

[lupinlover]

Hahahah! That's a good one. Where did you hear that one?

[whosrab]

Haha from my friend. He's pretty crcked up XD

Heres some 'yo momma's joke'

Yo mommas so fat, when she goes into the sea, the whales sing 'We ARE FAMILY!"
Yo Mommas so fat she comes from BOTH sides of the family XDXD

lol

[nutz4hpotter6]

Lol they are cute ones.

I don't have any at this time right now. Maybe later.

[Doxy Hybrid]

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."

[nutz4hpotter6]

I have that joke too. I almost posted it. I laughed when I read it the first time. They all think their son is the greatest then they find out that they are all gay.

[Doxy Hybrid]

There is a tale once told of a Mississippi riverboat captain who called all of the passengers to the top deck in the middle of the night. When the announcement was made, everyone hurried topside, wondering fearfully why the captain disrupted their sleep.

Once all the passengers were present, the captain stood atop a crate and looked over the half-dressed, shivering crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I fear that our ship has struck a snag and is sinking," he announced.

This statement was greeted with gasps of horror from those assembled.

"I wonder," the captain continued solemnly, "if there is anyone among us skilled in the art of prayer?"

The frightened passengers nodded wisely to one another. Yes, a prayer at such a perilous time was a very good idea.

After a moment's hesitation, a young clergyman stepped forward. "I have some skill in praying," he said.

"Excellent," said the captain. "You stand here and pray, while I hand out the life vests. We're one short."

[whosrab]

LOL! That's a good one. I've got one just as evil =D.

There were 40 blondes hanging on to a brunette, who was hanging on to a parachute. The parachute's bonds were breaking, as it could only support one person.

The brunette then made a speech. "I've decided, my life is no longer worthy. I shall jump down and allow you all to survive."

Then the blondes clapped.

Lol. I know kinda lame lol.

There was a DJ dissing blondes on the radio. A blonde, driving in her car, was listening to that radio station and was infuriated.

She saw 2 blondes rowing on land (i know how lame is that lol) and cried, "ITS YOU BLONDES WHO GIVE US A BAD NAME! IF I COULD SWIM I"D GO OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU WHAT"S COMING!"

Lol lol.

Which of these 3 is out of the picture? A smart blonde, a brunette or santa claus?
A brunette, as the other 2 dont exist lol.

[whosrab]

There was a magical forest with a particularly magical stone. 3 boys stumbled across this magical stone.

The first boy jumped over the stone and cried out, "LION!" and he turned into a lion.

The second boy jumped over the stone and cried, "TIGER!" and he turned into a tiger.

The last boy stumbled over the rock and said, "Oh poo!" and he turned into poo.

Hehe. Heres another one.

There was a cliff with a steep drop. 3 boys stumbled across this clearing and one of them took the plunge, whilst crying out 'Silver' and he dropped into mounds of silver bars.

The second boy jumped off whilst saying "burgers" and he landed into piles of burgers.

The last boy jumped off but he cried out 'Weeeee!"

Lol.